Thank you for coming. It would be nice if your brought more fucking wine next..
Please do not fucking stop the playlist to put on your self-proclaimed party..
We were all having a nice time until you came in and farted.
I am only here to steal your wine, flirt and gossip.
Oh do shut the fuck up you smug, sad, sensational bellend.
Kiss me because I am hungover, needy and attention seeking.
Is the gig seated?
All that she wants is another rosé.
Sorry I was not listening. I was thinking about gin and tonics.
Fuck your fucking dry January, it's monsoon season here.
Oh please. Now is the perfect moment for Taylor mother fucking Swift. 3
Oh do pipe the fuck down. Of course it's fine for breakfast wine.
Sorry I was not listening I was thinking about what to look on my phone later.
Oh fuck no, I wasn't flirting, I was just being northern.
Sorry but I am staying in to eat Haribo, watch naff telly and masturbate.
