Tonight was lovely. Of course I'll get over your avoidable red wine spill.
Please shut up and pour the wine as we have heard this before.
Please help yourself to drinks as we see you've arrived empty handed. Again.
Please drink your own shitty drinks and leave on time.
Please don't worry. It wasn't expensive. Just really fucking sentimental.
I only came here to drink your wine and eat your nice crisps.
Hangover plate for hash browns + yesterday's chicken nuggets.
Enough chit chat. I must go dance and sing along to Alanis Morissette.
Please stop talking so we can dance badly to 90s hip hop.
Cheap crisps and a wank.
The promise of a greggs steak bake kept the dull evening alive.
Your verbal diarrhoea is not welcome here.
Please do not bore me with the recipe.
Please do not blame the dog for your dank dance floor fart.
Painfully pointless prosecco party.
Mr and Mrs shit taste in interior design.
I regret hosting this.
Bad wine bad time.
Enough. It is time to drunk sexy dance to Destiny's Child.
Please tell the guests to vacate.
