You are less believable than Taylor Swift singing the word 'fucking.'
Now might not be the most appropriate time to whatsapp your dealer.
Highly instagram-able content.
Please do not get in our way when we are recklessly day drinking.
Not this fucking story again.
Wake up next to people who make you horny.
I am sorry but I am not sure it was the right crowd to play Todd Rundgren to.
When I get too drunk and play John Waite's 'Missing You', it is probably best..
We liked you better before your midlife crisis.
I am ever so excited to cancel our social plans.
This hate plate is to confess how much I hate your wretched, shitty cat.
Please do not do coke in our bathroom while I am still using the toilet.
Please do not dress sexier than me at the afternoon drinks do.
Oh fuck off with your let's get a date in the diary soon.
I'd rather be at home watching Three Men And A Baby. Not only is Tom Selleck..
